A Joke

[den]

My mate Steve in the UK sent me this.


A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish
jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss he beats it to death
with a spade. Realizing that his employer won't be best pleased he disposes
of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on the second job of clearing out the Chimpanzee house, he is
attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two of the
chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the
lions he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses
into the lion enclosure.

He moved on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South
American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the
spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws
them into the lion enclosure.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another and
says, "What's the food like here?"

The lion says "Absolutely brilliant".

"Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees!"

Comments

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Mushy peas. A standard side dish with fish and chips in the UK. (I think they're disgusting, myself.)

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

Mano! The one dish for which British quisine is famous, and they ruin it with mushy peas!

Have the best

-=TK

[trpeal.livejournal.com]

Remember, British cuisine seems to have all been based on a dare.

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

I thought that was scottish quisine? After all, they're the ones who came up with haggis.

Have the best

-=TK

[jamesb]

... and deep fried Mars Bars ...

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

*DROOOL* Had those, though I prefer Oreos.

Have the best

-=TK

Yer BOTH wrong!

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

Any food from Hawaii or west of Hawaii.

Tako poke: raw octopus with chili pepper, seaweed and salt.
Kukui nut relish: Too much will give you the screaming shits. Too much being more than a teaspoon.

Or the Philipenes...

Balut: Take a fertilzed egg and let it mature to the point where it's a week away from hatching. Now eat it. If you're a wimp, you can boil it first.

Durian: Nuff' said.

Re: Yer BOTH wrong!

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

Durian. How can something that tastes so nice smell like a rancid sewer?

Re: Yer BOTH wrong!

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

Oh, come now!

Lomi Salmon
Mac' Salad
Fried Rice (Hawaiian style)
Squid Luau
Coconut Cake

I'll give you poi, though...

Have the best

-=TK

[haggis-bagpipes.livejournal.com]

We also eat scotch pie, which is like all the bits of animal McDonalds rejected. Also, whisky. We are a hardened, kilted people.

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

Hardened, kilted and blue.

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

McDonalds rejected parts?!

Have the best

-=TK

[klishnor.livejournal.com]

British cuisine is based on providing an insulating layer of fat on all persons partaking of it. This helped us to cope with the cold and damp which was our primary weather. [1]

Suet, dripping, butter etc all play important parts in producing this. In olden times the use of saturated fats wasn't a major health concern as nearly everyone worked hard physically, and you were much more likely to die of something more dangerous before arterial furring became a problem.

These days, the government is funding so many health adverts that no one knows what they can eat any longer. The newest one is that we should reduce our salt intake.

[1] Side note. There is some suggestion that the main reason Britain became a major naval and colonial power is that this was the best way to be able to move somewhere warmer.

Mushy peas

[klishnor.livejournal.com]

Real mushy peas are those which have been cooked for so long that there's functionally zero nutritional value in them. The addition of a small amount of sugar is often recommended.

Ideally, they should become a viscous green material which will cling to plates, spoons etc and form fairly stable piles when spooned/scraped onto a plate. Unfortunately, few chippies (AKA "chip shops", the place where you can buy real fish and chips) these days know how to make them properly. I often see something that looks like thick pea soup being passed off as mushy peas.

There is also a "fast cook" version which involves baking soda to break down the cellulose, but that tastes even worse than the original formula.