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- 1: around the world in 80 beers episode 212: Summer Pale Ale
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Date: 1 Jan 2005 00:56 (UTC)61. Sign up for the new Perth Quokkas, or whatever the new Super 14 rugby team will be called. They start training late in the year.
62. If your partner complains he/she wants "more space", tell him/her to book a flight on Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic (cost $200,000, first trip 2007). Or to shut up.
63. Get a PhD. Available on the internet for as little as $US100 ($130).
64. Spot a bar-tailed godwit (try Botany Bay before it's concreted over).
65. Discourage pigeons from sitting on your roof by tethering a cat to the TV aerial.
66. Wear something shocking to mark the centenary of the start of Picasso's pink period.
67. And the death of Jules Verne, also in 1905.
68. And the birth of the Russian Revolution.
69. Discover funny man Steve Wright, master of weird one-liners. Like: "Will anyone who believes in psychokinesis please raise my right arm."
70. Make a stand against creeping "calendarism" by which every day, week and month of the diary is annexed for some cause, charity or other.
71. Save up and buy a car before the new rail timetables in September.
72. Pause to consider how amazingly small and portable music has become since the jukebox was invented in 1905.
73. Forget whatshername from Australian Idol.
74. Join the Democrats. You could be party leader by December.
75. Write your memoirs, before you forget what you were doing in the 1990s.
76. Celebrate the first anniversary of the discovery of a new element "governmentium". It has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, 11 assistant deputy neutrons. These particles are held together by forces called "morons" which are surrounded by millions of "peons". Their mass expands over time, forming a "critical morass".
77.. Give up. (No, you've got 20 or so still to go - Ed)
78. Start a diary.
79. Stop a diary. (Get on with it - Ed)
80. Get into an argument over whether Lord Nelson said "kiss me, Hardy", or "kismet, Hardy", as part of the 200th anniversary commemoration of the Battle of Trafalgar.
81. Buy a Wollemi pine as your 2005 Christmas tree. Available in November.
82. .dekcarc eb tsum taht edoc a sevlovni ti - ?tahw sseug - dna notgnihsaw ni tes s'tI. koob nworb nad wen eht yuB
83. Put a pound on Britain's Prime Minister, Tony Blair, making it a trifecta of election victories for the coalition of the willing. Just don't mention the war.
84. Turn 50. Tell friends it's the new 40. Or something else equally unconvincing.
85. Pray an obscure English football team, West Bromwich Albion, stays in the Premier League.
86. And Crystal Palace doesn't.
87. Turn off the air-conditioning. Sit in the dark. (Surely if Bob Carr is right that we must accept that Australian is dry, we must also accept it is hot and poorly lit at night).
88. Share the spirit. I'll have a triple Glenmorangie.
89. Catch the new David Williamson play, about shock jocks, in March.
90. And the REM concert, same month.