101 Things to do in 2005

[den]

Suggestions! Good and bad.

Wollemi Pines will be available in November. Buy one! (Thing To Do #81)

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[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

John Huxley suggests 101 things you can do, including ...

1. Break all new year resolutions now. It will save time in the long run.

2. Celebrate the on-time arrival of the 1855 train. No, not the 18.55: that's been cancelled again because of driver shortages. I mean the train that ran between Redfern and Granville when the first NSW railway was opened on September 26, 150 years ago.

3. Wave a flag on International Women's Day, March 8.

4. Stand up and be counted on International Make-my-dinner Day (time and place to be advised).

5. Drink more beer. Figures show Australia's per capita consumption has slumped from 129 to 89 litres in the past 25 years. Clearly, some people aren't pulling their weight. When Homer Simpson was asked which he preferred - complete contentment or beer - he replied: "What sort of beer?" Precisely.

6. Start a Clive Robertson Preservation Society.

7. And one for St Peter of Cundell.

8.. And another for Kylie Minogue's bottom.
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9. Welcome yet another new dawn of Australian soccer. The long, A-waited, A-League kicks off in A-ugust. If it doesn't work, guiding genius John O'Neill's bottom will, as the Americans say, be a turkey.

10. Learn how to use a washing machine (based on an original idea by Mrs Huxley).

11. Go see the new, supposedly slimline Roseanne Barr at the Enmore Theatre in March. Hey, anyone who slags off George Dubya can't be all bad.

12. Give generously to the tsunami relief funds. Pray for the victims and the bereaved.

13. Learn another language ... like Choctaw, a Native American tongue with two past tenses, one that conveys accurate information and one that relays unsubstantiated rumour. Just the thing for budding journalists.

14. Postpone plans to walk the Kokoda Trail. It's too crowded with historians, minor celebrities and ex-cricketers seeking publicity.

15. Pretend you're a giant panda by giving yourself two black eyes, eating only bamboo shoots and refusing to have sex with your partner. (A Viz magazine "Top tip").

16. Charter a flight to the World Vaccine Congress in Montreal in April. Then again, what's the point?

17. Suppress urges to complain about journalists' mistakes. Some of us are working at the edge of the known universe.

18. Give me a hug.

19. Remain alert but not alarmed.

20. Imagine what life would be like without the safety razor, developed and patented by King Camp Gillette, born 150 years ago.

21. And the automatic toaster, 75 in 2005.

22. And Dannii Minogue, 34 on October20.

23. Brace yourself for more Ned Kelly fever. He was born 150 years ago.

24. Take a risk. Remember the exchange in Annie Proulx's The Shipping News. Little girl: "Daddy, are we scared, Dad?" Father: "No, honey, we're having an adventure."

25. Enter the World Taxidermy Championships in Springfield, Illinois. There are special categories for everything from coots to coyotes, wildebeest to whales, or any combination of animals chasing each other. But hurry, they begin in March.

26. Observe the 150th anniversary of NSW being granted responsible government. And work out when exactly we lost it.

27. Donate all unwanted presents to your local concentration camp ... correction, detention centre.

28. Write to the new chief executive of John Fairfax, publisher of this paper, urging him or her to give all journalists a bonus to celebrate the 200th anniversary of the birth of the original John Fairfax (if you didn't celebrate it last year, as some sources suggest).

29. Stay young and beautiful (but don't ask me how).

30. Find Osama bin Laden.

31. And a new Labor Party leader.

32. And time.

33. And a cure for Alan Jones.

34. And something better to do on Saturday evenings. Believe me, The Bill is not going to get any better.

35. Read a poem, to commemorate the 100th anniversary of of Dorothea Mackellar's My Country. All together now: "I love a sunburnt country ..."