Christmas food

[den]

I ordered my christmas food today.

4kg shelled prawns
1doz. Balmain Bugs (aka slipper lobsters)
1kg smoked salmon
2 doz oysters
2 doz green-lipped mussels
1 anti-otter beating stick
1 ham
3 chickens
1 leg of pork (mmm crackle)
A friend says she will be bringing a turkey.

That should be enough to feed 20 people. Which is lucky because that's how many people will be here.

oceansedge and james_b might have to eat leftovers while they're here.

Comments

Otter Beating Stick Part II

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

"BAAWWWLLLLL-HAWWLLL-HAWWWLLL-HAWWWWAALLWAALWAAL-HAWWWWAALLWAALWAAL!!", cried Polly, doing what any dog would do in such a circumstance; scream for her beloved master to come save her from this demonic nightmare of fur, fang and claws!

As Den charged into the house through the carpark, Unit Three popped his head out of the tip and spied the chest freezer in the carpark. Leaping out of the tip, he dashed into the open carpark and lifted the cover on the chest freezer, and smiled. "Ahhhhh, there we are, my pretties!" he chittered. Quick as a wink, the prawns, bugs and smoked salmon all vanished into the insulated bag. Closing the lid, the raccoon turned to leave, and saw the iced bucket of oysters and mussels. "No good wasting anything, wot?" he chuckled, adding the lot to his bag. Now somewhat burdened, he dashed back to the curb and leapt into the tip, just as the two ferrets pulled up in the garbage truck.

Unit One decided that enough was enough, and released the shrieking dog just as Den came charging into the back yard with a frying pan in his hand. "Wot the...git! G'wan, git!" he yelled, waving the pan at the cat. Polly had recovered from her fright and decided to take a more proper canine stance to this sort of shennanigans, and began to tear off towards the cat with a newfound surge of courage.

For her part, Unit One did her level best to look frightened by the whole thing. She poofed out her fur and dashed around the yard, making half-hearted attempts at leaping over the fence, only to fall back into the yard again. Of course, this had the net effect of driving Polly absolutely bonkers, and Den to jumping up and down, shouting, "Gettim! Gettim, Pollaay!! Have a go, ya mug!"

Watching through the night-vision binoculars, Alexsander tried to hold back the laughter. "Unit one, this is Conqueror. Break contact, I say again, break contact!" He turned the binocs to the street in front of the house. The two ferrets had already dumped Unit Three into the back, and were cleaning up the dustbins Den had dropped in his hurry to get back and save his dog.

"Unit two and three, you are clear to go." In his binocs, the otter could see one of the ferrets tip his finger against his hat before he climbed into the cab and drove off. Back in the yard, Unit One had finally jumped over the fence, and was tearing across the yards like a shot. All the dogs in the immediate neighborhood had been following the ruckus with eagerness, and were simply delighted to have a go at the fleeing feline as she came through their patch on her way to rendevous with the rest of the team. Not that any of them had a chance, but it was certainly amusing to allow them to think that way.

Alexsander clicked off his binocs and slipped out of his hiding spot, slid through the bushes and onto the far street. The boys had already pulled over and Charlie the raccoon had already climbed out of the scrupulously cleaned truck, swapping his precious package to a cooler in the cab. "Good job, mates!" the otter churred, hopping up into the cab. Not long after, Tina leapt up to join him, purring contentedly. Walter and William nodded and grinned toothy ferret grins as Walter gunned the engine and drove away.