Newsgroup Personality

[den]

To be sung to the 'Pirates Of Penzance' tune 'Modern Major General' Gilbert And Sullivan:

I am the very model of a Newsgroup Personality
I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted to,
On all the countless newsgroups that my drivel is cross-posted to.

Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling,
And you're the one who pays the bill downloading all my drivelling.
My enemies are numerous, and no one would be blaming you
For cracking my head open after I've been rudely flaming you.

I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it).
I wouldn't know a valid point if I was introduced to it.
My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia,
Designed to fan my ego, which is larger than Bolivia.

The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery,
Are really just an exercise in unremitting trollery.
I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity,
The gibberings of one who's at the limit of his sanity.

If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to;
If only mum could find a circus freak-show she could sell me to;
If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery;
If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with machinery;

If I survive to forty, which is somewhat problematical;
If what I post was more mature, or slightly more grammatical;
If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate;
Would I still be the loathsome and objectionable punk you hate?

But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face,
It simply isn't safe for normal people here in cyberspace.
To stick me in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity
Would be a fitting punishment for my egocentricity.

I always have the last word; so, with utmost finality,
That's all from me, the model of a Newsgroup Personality.



Origin Unknown.

Comments

Finally hacked-up that troublesome phlegm

[ursuscal.livejournal.com]

Sweet Jesus, I'd been struggling all night to clear out that sinus phlegm from my bronchii -- until I read that ditty. After two straigh minutes of hysterical laughing and coughing, I succeeded! Thank you, Batty!

Now I'll try to summon the nerve to post it on ALF... }:xD

Re: Finally hacked-up that troublesome phlegm

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

Go on! I posted it in AFF.

Re: Finally hacked-up that troublesome phlegm

[ursuscal.livejournal.com]

Very well! If it isn't already there by the time I get on tonight, I will post it. I am tempted to rename it "Ode to Snuhwolf." }:xD