Squeezed, squeaked and skewered

[den]

The verdict is "Nothing to worry about." The doctor said he was 90% sure it was something that sounded like fibroblastoma but he did the biopsy any way to make sure. Where he did the biopsy was a surprise, though.


About five days ago I noticed my right nipple was leaking some fluid. It was coming from inside, not from the surface. The fluid was straw-coloured and quite runny, like water. There wasn't much but it was constant. When it became obvious that it wasn't going to just go away, I saw the doctor. She felt my man-boob, said there was something there but it didn't feel like a lump, and sent me to Pathology for a mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy.

First up, the mammogram. My poor manboobs were crushed between the glass plates. The machine seemed designed for maximum discomfort, which would account for a lot of sharp corners that dig into the chest, arm-pits and other places. The radiologist did both sides, constantly saying "Move your chin!" but I was afraid I'd tear the skin off the side of my neck. Then, to get a better view of my right nipple, she put in a smaller glass plate. It pressed down with the same pressure over a much smaller area, and hurt. My leaky nipple became a squirt and sprayed bodily fluids onto the nice white machine. The radiologist was shocked when she saw the mess.

If, in the past when mammograms were being invented, someone said to the Inventing Boffins "Right lads! We'll test the effectiveness of this machine by using it on your penises," then mammograms today would consist of sitting in a comfy chair with half a bar of chocolate and a cup of tea. And women do this every year! Bloody hell. Although, in a few short years I have annual prostate exams to look forward to. Compared to this, a finger up the jacksie will be a minor, but surprising, inconvenience.

Then came the ultrasound. It was quite a lot easier. I just had to lay on my back and watch the monitor that showed a slice of my body. Very easy, apart from the litres of cold goo she poured on my chest. The emitter made me feel warm as though I had a dozen happy bats pinging me with sonar. Except for the goo.

After cleaning up with half the paper towel supply, I waited for the biopsy. Finally I was called in to the room. The doctor told me there was nothing to worry about; the right nipple just had some dilated ducts that were stripping water out of the blood and leaking it out. He had no idea what was causing it. Something to chat to Dr Nelson-Marshall about on Thursday.

Okay then, now to biopsy the left breast.

Wait, what? Left breast? Were they sure? I mean, the right breast is where all the action was. That was when he told me about the thing that sounded like "fibroblastoma." First he gave me a local, then nicked the skin with a scalpel ("Give me a scar so I can say I was attacked by ninjas!" "Please stop talking.") then took a needle the size of which I haven't seen since I was last at the vets, and that one had "Horse" on it. He attached it to a device very much like the solder suckers you use to unsolder circuit boards.

He then pushed the needle in, and in, and in, and in even more. I thought he was about to take a sample of the bed beneath me, but looking at the ultrasound I could see the needle penetrating the void. The solder sucker went CLICK! and he had a sample. A few minutes later he had 3 samples and I had a hole in my chest that was pissing out blood. It took a while to stop that, but it did stop. And so I went home.

I now have a very interesting collection of film, a scar where I was attacked by a mini-ninja with a tiny katana, and my right nipple is still leaking.

Comments

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

The timing of this is interesting. A few days ago, I was talking about the rare but documented cases of men having breast cancer. I hope yours is benign, not cancerous, but still! And way to go on the ninja battle wound!

-=Kiyoshi

[gorthx.livejournal.com]

I was afraid I'd tear the skin off the side of my neck.

It's like they're trying to check your ears at the same time, isn't it. :P

Glad that part's over, at least! Hope they let you know the core sample results soon.

[steve3.livejournal.com]

You havn't seen a needle until you have had a kidney biopsy even a horse would have shied away

[steve3.livejournal.com]

any way good luck thursday

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

Ah... pass. heh

[nimitzbrood.livejournal.com]

I've stood in the "smash-o-gram" myself when I figured there was something wrong with my man-boobs as well. Not fun dude and I take pride in hammering any guy that makes fun of them now. So yes "I feel your pain." ^_^

As for the needle I've BTDTBTTS.

A few years ago I went into the hospital during the Yuletide season and and had a chest X-ray that showed a darkened mass on my upper lung. Not good.

To make a long story short after several tests they found it to be basically a large ball of nerve tissues (Ganglioneuroma) inconveniently located directly under where my spine and shoulders meet. (2" in diameter!)

So after much discussion, MRIs, PET scans, and pondering they decide that they need a sample. So they put me face down on the cat-scan table and move me in and out of "the ring" while slowly pushing a needle towards the goal. (I did mention inconveniently located right?) I think it took them about an hour or more of that hellish torture before they were finished.

Anyway they finally figured out that it was benign and not growing in size. Though that's been a few years from now and I should probably get it checked out again.

[azhdragon.livejournal.com]

last one I had the poor radiologist had to come and put the old lead apron on and wrap her own arms around me and hug me *into* the machine, because it simply wasn't possible to get sufficient mass into the machine any other way.

basically, the best way to prepare for a mammogram is to stand in front of the freezer and insert the *oob, and slam the door on it till it's numb.

one of my lady residents at work has had a mastectomy, but she's now got dementia. whenever I shower her or help her change she tells me that she was "just walking down the street one day and it fell off! and there I was trying to catch it in my hands before it ran away".

she's a scream.

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

Dude. You win. 8)

[makovette.livejournal.com]

Well that's a bit of cheery news mate, yays!

Thanks for the update and yeah, at 48, I'm not two years away from the Vaseline glove treatment...

CYa!
Mako

[lonita.livejournal.com]

Good heavens!

Mind you, in future you could make up some colourful stories about how you *really* got that scar. I, for one, am looking forward to said stories.

Thinking good thoughts for you, as always.

[weyrdbird.livejournal.com]

Good thoughts!
BTDT. And they keep the plates in the freezer, I swear.
Good luck!

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

In this weather, freezing plates would be nice.

[nimitzbrood.livejournal.com]

Wasn't a competition but thanks. :-)

[weyrdbird.livejournal.com]

Yes, but not jammed into your armpit while forced to perform contortion artistry, one supposes. ;)

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

When I was breastfeeding da_norvegicus, I kept getting mastitis at the same spot, so they wanted to take a mammogram of me to check there was nothing nasty causing the blockages. They said "Feed him at 3pm and we'll do the mammogram at 3:15"

They were running late.

He was full and I was filling up again.

When they finally squished the boob, they got a milk spray across the opposite wall, 15 feet away. My giggling helped me ignore the pain.

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

I'm giggling now.

[dhlawrence.livejournal.com]

Well that's an experience to remember :/

I hope it's worth the discomfort!

[sleepyjohn00.livejournal.com]

I've never heard of a nipple serving as an overflow relief valve in anything that didn't have a drive train, but that shows what I know.

Prostate checks are uncomfortable but relatively brief and benign. Colonoscopies, now...

Glad to hear you're right. And left. Maybe you can invoke borer worms to explain the scar?

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[haggis-bagpipes.livejournal.com]

Yeah I had periods in high school but nothing like this.

[odiedragon.livejournal.com]

My husband had to have a mammogram too, before I met him, but there were no fluids involved from what I heard. :P Just a weird lump located in that area of the body, and a mammogram machine is the best way to examine that part of the body, male or female.

[chezmax]

Boobs sound mighty inconvenient.

[chezmax]

I had no idea you could use them like a super soaker! ;)

[http://users.livejournal.com/crossfire_/]

I'm glad it all turned out okay.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

...they found it to be basically a large ball of nerve tissues (Ganglioneuroma)...

You're growing a spare brain!

(I'm jealous. I've always wanted a spare brain. Or even just a memory expansion.)

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

Between your comments and those of the others, I'm on the verge of pissing myself.

Glad you turned out okay, but the one from chezmax about super soakers about did me in.

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

Jesus...and guys like to brag about writing their names in the snow/dust/sand?

You win.

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

Dude, it's worth it in free beer stories alone!

Although, considering the nature of the story, it'd probably be best to let a few beers flow prior to the telling.

[azhdragon.livejournal.com]

they are. that's why I'm having mine removed at the end of next month. :-)

[azhdragon.livejournal.com]

mammary expansion?

[chezmax]

Do you donate them to charity? Like hair? :)