Stories of a short, fat bastard.

Haha! That reminds me of Seuss' "The King's Stilts", which features King Bertram of Binn’s constant battle against predatorial birds called nizzards, the borderline-treasonous theft of King Birtram’s stilts by the evil Lord Droon, and the page boy Eric’s dire quest to retrieve them (Before It’s Too Late, of course).

Eventually, all is set right. The kingdom is saved, and when Droon is locked up, we are given an account of his prison menu: “Stewed nizzards for breakfast. Cold nizzards for lunch. Fried nizzards for supper. And every other Thursday, they served him nizzard hash.”