Emergency Opener

[den]

I found Mum in the kitchen struggling to open a can of dog food. "I can't get the opener to work properly," she said.

"Well, yeah. That's the old opener." I grabbed the new one from the drawer and opened the can in 5 seconds. Mum put the old one in the dish washer. "Why don't you throw it out?" I asked.

"No, we might need a spare in case of emergency."

I just stopped, and spent a minute thinking about this. "What sort of emergency would need an old opener that doesn't work?" I asked eventually.

I imagined burgulars breaking in, and Mum shouting "Quick! Get the emergency spare can opener!" or "The house across the road is on fire! Get the emergency can opener!" or "Oh my goodness! The Liberal Party has been voted in again! GET THE EMERGENCY SPARE CAN OPENER!"

"Well, I don't know," said Mum. "But you never know."

She actually threw the old can opener away tonight. It's in the bin. *checks* and it's still there. I wonder if I can get her to throw away the frypan with half a handle, or the 3 pairs of blunt scissors. These are the old good scissors that were demoted to just the scissors. We still have The Scissors, The Good Scissors, and The Good Scissors. The blunt scissors are in the 4th kitchen draw which is where they should be, along with with pens that don't work, flat batteries, bits of string and assorted other things that aren't useful but are kept as emergency spares.

For some reason the 4th draw always accumulates this stuff. The top drawer is for cutlery. The second drawer is for carning knives, potato smashers, cheese graters, garlic crushers, tongs and other big cooking things. Third draw is for cooking books, plastic bags and useful things like rolls of string, batteries, and so on. The 4th drawer... rubbish, blunt, and broken things that all, apparently, make excellent emergency spares.

Because you never know.

---

"Don't you write about this!" said Mum. oops.

Comments

[chezmax]

I can't come with any conceivable situation where a 'flat' battery would be useful.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

(being silly)
1. Extra game piece in Monopoly.
2. Hold down the corner of the page in the cookbook.
3. Template for drawing circles.
4. Substitute for a roll of pennies if you have to punch someone.
5. Toy for very sturdy cats.
6. Curtain weight.
7. Juggling "ball" for those into oddball juggling.
8. Stamping belly-buttons in gingerbread men.
9. Source of powdered carbon for shading drawings.
10. Arms for very tiny snowmen.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

You don't know that she's got super especially good scissors but hasn't told you where she keeps them. :)

[chezmax]

Wow.

I'm going to have to start juggling batteries.

#8 and #10 made me laugh. :)

[sjwt.livejournal.com]

oh you nuaghty batty,
i think boodie shall ahve to punish you.

[tatterdemalion.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

I'm with your mum on the three pairs of GOOD scissors..

thanks for the laugh

[tatterdemalion.livejournal.com]

*blink*

i will???

oh ok

[tropism.livejournal.com]

They make good impromptu slingshot ammo...;)

[tropism.livejournal.com]

See, now, in my house, the emergency can opener is one of the ones on the swiss army knives. Those never break. %)

[chezmax]

*ow*

[oceansedge.livejournal.com]

This would be really really really funny, if it didn't resemble every kitchen fourth drawer I've had since I was two.... including the one I have now at 38.

Something else you'll never hear...

[http://users.livejournal.com/crossfire_/]

"Quick! Call a physicist for god's sake!"

*sigh*

[ursulav.livejournal.com]

I think a drawer like this is obligated to exist. You don't actually have to make one--string and rubber bands and old scissors will crawl into it of their own volition and start to den.

[tygermoonfoxx.livejournal.com]

Until embarking on the Flylady (http://www.flylady.net) program, I had similiar problems. It turned out to be surprisingly easy for me to let go of most of the useless things. Simtra is the one with the problem. I can't imagine why we need all these screws that don't go to anything, pens that no longer write, chewed on pencils and five ---count them, FIVE --- pairs of scissors (none of which are all that great anyhow).

Your mum sounds like a rare gem. If I ever get to Australia, I'd sure enjoy meeting you two.

[fenris-lorsrai.livejournal.com]

At least your folks don't keep whole spare appliances. On two separate occasions we've had the stove break and Dad go "don't worry, I've got another one in the garage." Now, he's an electrical engineer, so the old one would go out in the garage, get fixed, and then when the one in the house broke, out would come the old stove.

But spare STOVES!?

We also have a collection of about 20 spare doors. Just in case we break the doors. Not that they actually FIT any of the doorways in the house.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

But ... but ... that's what the fourth drawer is for!

Really, mine's too close to the ground to be useful for anything I need to reach on a regular basis. But it's just the place for bits of string, roll-ends of duct tape, the aforementioned dead batteries (they weren't dead when I put them in there, just failing! Hate to throw out a battery that's still got life in it!), last year's phone book, the extra twist-ties from trash bags, last summer's squirt gun, etc., etc., etc ...

Re: Something else you'll never hear...

[jynxgirl.livejournal.com]

What if you have a really freaky physics emergency though? You'd call for one then right?

[jynxgirl.livejournal.com]

I love FlyLady!!!
She's my Goddess!

[weyrdbird.livejournal.com]

I know what I can find in abundance at my folks house:

Pencils
Pens
Erasers
Paper Clips
Rubber Bangs
Shopping bags (with and without handles)
Shoeboxes (with less frequency)
Dust cloths

Mom has her Good Scissors (sewing) and good kitchen scissors, and plain old scissors (about three pair from what I can tell). It must be their generation. Or a hoarding gene, because I caught it from *them*:).........

[pipibluestockin]

*laughter*

We have Mum's of a similar vintage. The kids of depression era parents can get just as thrifty.

[pipibluestockin]

spare appliances?

Gosh, that is ringing a bell.

Dad can't park the car in the garage for all the things that might be useful "one day".

[oceansedge.livejournal.com]

LOL when I moved into this townhouse, I didn't HAVE a fourth drawer in the kitchen (it's an extra deep pot drawer).... so... of course... I went out and BOUGHT one even!

And don't even ASK about the number of empty margerine containers we found in my Dad's kitchen when we cleaned it out!

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

I have one of those. Appaently it's not an emergency can opener.

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

That's very silly. 8)

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

There are enough rubber bands in the 3rd drawer to make a slingshot. So we have the whole kit!

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

I know where the good scissors are now. I'm pretty sure there aren't any extra good scissors.

Re: Something else you'll never hear...

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

It's a shame that never happens. I'd like to see teams of paraphysicists racing to emergencies with the lights and sirens on their highly mobile labs.

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

We have the scissors, which cut everything from paper to iron sheets, the good scissors, of which "Don't use the good scissors!" refers to, and the Good Scissors which are hidden.

Re: Something else you'll never hear...

[http://users.livejournal.com/crossfire_/]

Now there's a job I would like to have!

Re: Something else you'll never hear...

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

"1-Einstein-12 to Control, That reported temporal anomoly is actually an old bookshop causing 'L-Space' in a back room. It's safe but we asked the owner to keep the weird door at the rear locked from now on. No other action required."

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

Mum was born just before WW2, so she grew up during rationing. I think that has something to do with this.

[dewhitton.livejournal.com]

Keeping old pens and scissors is silly, but you shouldn't throw away screws. You Never Know.

[weyrdbird.livejournal.com]

Has your mum taken up quilting yet?

Mine has, and that's the other danger- being buried in a hundredweight of loose material swatches and scraps that have been sorted into different color piles!

It must be an old age thing:).......

[beki.livejournal.com]

Dont bet on it. My mom even has a pair of super secret incased in special leather scissors.... Moms are strange alien beings from another planet.. trust me on this :)

[beki.livejournal.com]

My grandma was like that. She grew up during the American depression of the 20's. When I used to clean house for her I would throw stuff out, such as those gigantic butter tubs. She used to store leftovers in them. Normally this wouldnt be a problem. I would throw out about oh say 20 or so and she would go and dig them out of the garbage and toss them into the dishwasher. When she passed on, it was like an archeological survey cleaning out some of the things in her house. It's interesting

As a side note, I dont have a fourth drawer. The far left has the silver wear in it. The right has scissors knives and what not the second has tongs and some of Jason's medical eqipment, the third has round tupperware (rubbermaid) containters and the fourth has the square ones. I am deprived!!! :)

[elektron.livejournal.com]

Now, things I never throw away...

Screws (especially the ones for, say, hard drives), jumpers (lots of those) and spare wire (lots of that too, especially after I started taking monitors apart).

I can't imagine what dead batteries would be useful for, except, say, throwing at burglars?

I think we have a broken can opener somewhere too...

Re: Something else you'll never hear...

[haggis-bagpipes.livejournal.com]

"The knuckles! The horrible knuckles!"

[jbadger.livejournal.com]

Today I relayed this story about that and how kitchen stuff just IS.
Looking over my draws, three potato mashers, why have three?

[elusis.livejournal.com]

The pathetic thing is that I actually transported my fourth drawer, wholesale, from my last apartment to this one, and then re-created it.

The used wine corks were very happy to be back in their home with the extra magnetic poetry pronouns and the Betty Crocker box points.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

Everyone laughs, until someone actually needs one of those "one day" things.

When I moved into my new place, we had to install a closet for me as the one in my bedroom was tiny. Unfortunately, the wall we chose to install it on had flaking, mouldy paint from old water damage. Out came my bins of fabric and the staple gun, and 10 minutes later I'd fully lined the wall with assorted zebra-striped and other novelty-print cottons, to prevent my clothes from getting covered with paint dust and dried mould. The closet installation could then proceed apace, without me having to halt things for an hour while I drove out to buy fabric.

Other people call it being a packrat. I call it being prepared.